If there is one implicit truth, existence functions by itself. No wonder school could never teach you about everything in life. In fact, probably did not teach you much for the long term.

Some key moments in life are actually decided by dropping all analysis and trusting the flow. Life is instinctual by nature. Even the process of learning math, happened as an instinct. Either a motivation of getting good grades or a future career, or a fascination for math that developed after a bit of exposure. It feels good to sound coherent, to have a meaningful cause and effect discussion, but that is all there is to it. When it comes to life, there is a huge hidden process that does its thing.

Our engine is not analytical. It is intuitive. It might use logical analysis when it is absolutely necessary. It knows, learns by itself. But fundamentally it is as instinctual as gravity itself. Even the words of wisdom from the Buddha himself, were churned out by an instinctual process. The words themselves are words. When the instinctual process is receptive to it, words go beyond words, and there is an energetic reception. But words themselves are not more than vehicles at the right time, right moment. Beyond that, you are staring at a vehicle.

Human beings are long-term creatures. We need a long-term vision to sustain us. This is different from the inner chatter or the instant gratification monkey, that we have. We might call it a vision from the heart. Or a vision that is untainted by short term setbacks or detours.

Our deepest visions are not lofty, are not complex at all. They are usually very simple. Something we connect with deeply — say empowering other people, creating a sustainable community, creating art, and on. Regular vipassana meditation, writing and yoga (sun salutations) are beautiful insightful ways of seeing and realizing our long term visions. In the course of our life, we accumulate fears, emotional blockers, judgments, that make it not easy to see or stick to a long term vision. Our instant gratification monkey thrives on this. We all know what life is like in that state. Distracted, unfulfilled.

Through meditation or yoga or writing, we can see the layers of fears, anger, emotional turmoil that are within us. As Adyashanti says, our sense of self has an existence in the mind, in the heart and in the gut. In the mind, it is concepts. In the heart, it is feelings, or stuck feelings. In the gut, it is a contraction. A no. Through a process of seeing these layers, and allowing them to come to full awareness, we are able to slowly unlock what is stopping from living a fulfilled, and heartful life. In a way, these fears, these stuck emotions and these contractions can be our friends, if we allow them to come to our full awareness with unbiased authenticity. Hence, it is not really about getting rid of them, it is more seeing them in awareness (with full light). They transform.

There is a confidence, and clarity and flow that comes. We become less and less stuck in the instant gratification mode. And we have the clarity and flow to live a life  through the long-term vision. It isn’t really about that future or a result. It is about the clarity and flow in the moment that comes from the untainted heart in this vision.

There is a simplicity in existence, that we know and yet cannot quite see. I am not talking about practicing simplicity. That might be fine too. I am referring to something a little different.

Consider moments of authenticity. Moments with a loved one, a parent, a dog, a cat, … Or a complete stranger, a homeless person, a person that completely over turned all preconceived notions you had about them. There is an unconditional, spontaneous, simple, authentic love (or heart openness). There is a recognition of what existence really is. A spontaneous understanding of all it means to exist. Understanding of suffering, not necessarily in a negative way. But in terms of recognition, compassion and shared meaning.

Ego/the false sense of I, derived from social conditioning, will at first dismiss these experiences. It might consider it as weak, not practical. Even though from within there is a knowing and deep recognition of these experiences. Ego is built on this running away from authenticity, simplicity. As an illusion, ego has nowhere to go. It can only spin circles. There may not be a straight forward/direct way out of this complexity into simplicity. But there is a way.  The whole experience of life. That is what every moment of awakening is about. It isn’t simply about meditating or practicing simplicity. Although those can be very useful steps.

Life/flow itself is naturally guiding in the direction of simplicity. Not just at an intellectual level. But also at an emotional, energetic and physical level. Ego takes up a lot of energy to sustain it. It has to be released. It comes out by making sounds, by expressing emotions, and by real life experiences.

Simplicity is freedom. It is coming to terms with our bare nakedness/existence.

Life as it is can be a maze. With so much access to information, even more so. One skill that has stuck with me is meditation, and I can’t be grateful enough. I will not bore you with another blog eulogizing meditation. If you want to read on that, you can read the rest of my blog, and there is a lot of good resources available online, and you can always follow a teaching. Meditation helped me in the worst and best of times in the last 3 years.

Meditation is a tool. It almost becomes a go to approach for every situation — loving attention on the moment. But in the process of discovering the true nature of everything, there are several moments of feeling lost. It is like being in a half and half stage, and the transition can be difficult. Trust and loving attention at times are the only sane resources.

One of the biggest challenges is finding a deep purpose. At the end, purpose may be just living, moment to moment. Maintaining loving relationships with people, animals, nature, becomes more and more significant. And, it becomes increasingly apparent that there is something unique that you in your form, are bringing to the table. But a huge challenge is coming to peace with what you are bringing to the table. It is not easy. It might be the most difficult part of the whole process. For the most part, it is easy to forget what you are bringing to the table.

In fact, when I finally realized it, it felt like an accident. I didn’t know how I got to it other than by pure trust, and loving attention in the process. Before that, my mind was lost thinking about changing jobs, changing locations, and on and on. All of that might actually be fine. But it was a crazy stalemate. Some discipline, in my case setting aside time for meditation and yoga, as well as the mantra of trust and loving attention helped.

Then it occurred to me. I felt better after my evening yoga and meditation. Almost appreciative of what I did. I also thought about how organized I had been in this in some ways (while unable to be organized in some other ways). How trust and love had proved real. And then the writing. Writing on a piece of paper. Writing on the blog. Writing code at work. There seemed to be an art to how things happened. It suddenly helped me feel like I had found something.

The appreciation of writing. That feeling that I don’t know a word for. But it felt home. Life is about having fun. But how? Enjoy something. Writing. Cooking. Planning. This is not about the result. It is about the process. You might already have something you enjoy, but due to unprocessed layers of ego, it is obscured, like the sun on a terribly cloudy day.

If I were to journal all my insights every moment, it will be a stack.  Great insights are always after everything has happened. They might carry a lot of meaning at a moment, but their beauty is in what has already happened. Of course, like a stack, more insights build on top. So they are not totally inconsequential.

But they do not remain great forever. Otherwise, there won’t be any future greater insight. Would it?

And yet, there is no absolute beginning or end. These are just relative points. Does it mean there is no meaning? Not at all. There are meanings. Stacks, piles of them. We cannot survive without meaning/s, however personal/short-lived they might be.

Stay with loving attention to your experiences (moments), and allow the meanings to unfold.

Meditative practices usually involve using a reference or an anchor. This helps experience everything else in perspective. The center could be your breath — the simple involuntary act of breathing in and breathing out. Or it could be the point of contact, a sound, a combination of these.

This center is useful for calibration, especially when we are teaching or communicating these techniques to another person. It can be useful even for a seasoned meditator to calibrate every now and then. But the idea of this center is just a reference point. The center is usually neutral, and there is nothing to get attached to it. In fact the center might change, with practice and situations. We all have our own preference for a reference point, as we evolve with these practices.

And yet we do at times get attached to a center in real life. We can get attached to feeling a certain way. We can get attached to achieving certain results. Either in meditation practice or in real life situations. Reality is fluid. It does not stay a certain way for too long. The center might not remain what it was yesterday. We as individuals do not exist independently of what is around us, what is inside us. The boundaries are not as demarcated as we assume. There is a continuum.

Again, there is nothing to force yourself to learn. This comes from awareness and real life experiences. Ego can form structures around everything. And there will come a point when that structure becomes limiting. Loving attention to the present experience, and the moments flow. And there is a new reality and renewed stability. The process goes on.